Tuesday, 7 February 2012

It's Been 19 Years...

It's been 19 years since the day Arwah Kak Ni {my first Sister} left us. We miss her, always will be & sometimes I couldn't help myself but to wonder how our life would be if she's still with us. Al-Fatihah to Arwah Mahraini Muhammad...

Kak Ni passed away before Subuh at Hospital Besar Kota Bharu {as it was then} on 7 February 1993 & I only knew about her demise after Ma came home from the hospital, crying, hugging me & telling me that "Kak Ni tak dok doh...", we cried together then. Masa tu saya baru nak mandi & was so excited masa tengok bag pakaian Kak Ni. I thought she was home & I opened the bag to check whether there's any chocolate for me. She never forgot to buy me some jajans whenever she was home for holidays or weekends

I still remember a dream I had a few days after she left us. We went to a funfair with my other Sister & cousins, enjoyed a ride on ferris wheel but she just kept silent & smiled. I told her to wait for me there & she then gave me a ring. It was good to meet her again as I didn't have that last proper chance to bid her goodbye

I wrote a long entry about her a year ago & hopefully you won't mind if I publish it for the second time :)

Assalamualaikum Kak Ni. How are you? :)

It's been 18 years since the day you left all of us for a different world underneath. We hope you're doing alright there because we've been missing you heaps & always will be

Well, how should I start?

I was so little when when we lost you but nothing can take my memories away of what a wonderful person you were. You were away at the hostel {Maahad Muhammadi (P), Kota Bharu} most of the time but I'm very glad that you always had time to dote me like a princess whenever you were home that had armed me with some fond memories to reminisce in the future. I still remember waking up in the morning after Subuh {during weekends when you were home} to a serene voice of yours reciting some surahs. Now I've Ma doing that for me but of course it's one different story

Do you know that Ma keeps your last black mini diary? Yes, the one with a picture of Azhar Sulaiman pasted on the back cover. Hehe! I always find myself smiling whilst reading it, approving on the fact of how a thoughtful & lovely person you are. You even wrote something about me on Jan 23, 1993 {my birthday!} just a few weeks before February 7. You were so kind Kak Ni that I feel like weeping so bad now for missing you overloaded :'(

I always cry whenever I miss you so much or when I'm not in a good term with the other Sister or simply when I need somebody whom I can talk to freely without being hurt in return & how I wish I could tell you how much I love you, for the last time at least. Who ever thought diarrhea could be that mean but everything happens for a reason ayte? You were one of the best sisters ever existed in this world & I'm glad I had you as mine

Do you still remember when you patiently taught me how to brush my teeth, something I hated so much but now look what your patient has done to me! I brush my teeth at least 4 times a day now! Ma sokmo kato Sue bazir ubat gigi -.-'

Sometimes I wonder, what our life could be if you're still here with us... I'm sorry that I've forgotten how your voice sounds like but I still remember a few songs that you used to sing to me & also one unsolved riddle. Words per se aren't enough to tell you how much I miss you because there's no appropriate yardstick to measure that :(

I shall stop now although I still have a lot of things to tell. Well, you know how bad I'm at expressing my feeling ayte? Hehe! I miss you very much, Kak Ni & InsyaAllah, we'll meet again someday okay? Wait for me!

Your youngest sister whom you used to call 'Nona Manis',
Adik Sue

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