01/10/2022, Saturday, Lotus' Kota Bharu
I became a Mama when I was 30 years old
Before I was even expecting, I always pictured myself as a cool & fun Mama. The house would be filled with me & my Kids' laughter, singing & dancing, colouring, reading, cooking & baking etc. Oh, the truly definition of Rumahku Syurgaku. When I knew I was carrying my 1st child, I bought some books on pregnancy & parenting and read a lot of online articles on both subjects. I observe some people I know (or know from the social media. Lols!) on their parenting method & compare the ones who would suit me ...
... but motherhood doesn't need any manual to be honest
You can't compare your parenting method with other mothers because everybody leads different lifestyle. A's parenting method might not be suitable with B, vice versa. And one can't simply criticize some mothers' choice of the way they raise up their kids, just because it goes against your so called school of thoughts. You just do you. We gave birth to our kids & have been with them since the 1st second they were brought into life by the Almighty, so why should we give a damn to some strangers who just met you like a few seconds ago?
My Kids are 5 & 3 years old now & I love them with all my heart. I sacrifice a lot of things for them, like my sleep *coughs* for example. My love is selfless. I put them above everything else no matter how tiring my day has been. Utmost love & care. My heart is full with love. Cuddles before the bed time & them looking at me like I'm the best person in this whole wide world is the best feeling ever. I feel appreciated & wanted :')
Well of course their Papa is there too but bagi chance please Mama dia nak jadi heroin sat
But, there were so many times I wish I could have done better. Especially after I got upset at them & scolded them; making me feel like I'm the worst mother who can't even tolerate the kids' tantrum. The guilt & frustration, the anger & tears
My 1st child, Iman has always been a Papa's girl. She loves her Papa so much & I honestly think she even loves him more than she loves me. Lols! I mean, her Papa has always been a fun person. You don't want to mandi even it's Maghrib already? Fine, you can mandi later. Wake up in the morning & want Twisties for breakfast? Sure can! (regardless him being a medical doctor. Pening mak!) & other fun things which she couldn't get her way if she's with me
Me, on the hand, have always been a strict mother. Must take bath early in the morning even if it's weekend. Must take bath at least twice a day (I make it compulsory to bathe 3 times a day, btw). Can't have too much sweet or junk food, they will slowly damage your brain. Can't watch tv too close, not good for your sight & other 41975356787 of Do's & Don'ts
This morning, I got slightly annoyed at Iman for being playful whilst getting ready for school. I probably had said something to her that made her hurt I guess which later made her refuse to salam me & literally pushed me away before she left for her kindergarten with her Papa. Didn't even smile & wave me good bye, like she always did. I felt so rejected. Terus affect mood Mama sekali
Sigh!
My 2nd child, Imran is the opposite of her sister because he's definitely my Manja Boy. Mama this & Mama that. Always Mama. Hence, almost 3y5m & still bf-ing -.-' Sometimes I wonder how can he be so manja? Is it because he knows that he's the youngest or is it because I'm the one who manja him? My Husband thinks it's the latter but I can't help la. Iman is already manja with her Papa, so I also want a child to manja with me. And since we only have 2 kids, that child left is Imran :P
But I love them equally although each has some special spots in my hearts. It's not pilih kasih, just maybe the way I treat them according to their age. Both were born via c-sect, I endured the pain, those sleepless nights, feeding time, expressing & keeping the ebm etc.
Sekian, bebelan seorang Mama. May Allah swt ease all mak-mak's affairs in raising up our kids as we want only the best for them. Amin
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